Fellas, TLC sheets are as easy to clean as deleting a Kebab with ‘the lot’ on a Sunday night.
Wash your sheets as soon as they rock up to your pad, then every 7- 10 days after that. Do it. Otherwise you’ll have as good a relationship with your PLP as Leonardo DiCaprio did with that Grizzly Bear in the Revenant…awful.
Your TLC sheets are your BABEH…be gentle...that means gentle wash with cold water. No warm wash or they’ll end up looking like a goat on a vertical cliff face.
Keep your TLC sheets separate from other fabric and linens. Just think, you are your TLC sheets, and fabric and linens are two vegans talking about being vegans… (Separate yourself).
Unidentified Fun Stains (UFS)
Stains…formally known as UFS ;) are as common as an STI in College and as easy to remove as a Trump supporter in inner City Melbourne. Use regular washing powder. No bleach or fabric softeners or they’ll deteriorate quicker than Monica from Friends, in real life.
Don’t be a piece of sheet, hang your sheets to dry like your mother does. The sun also kills bacteria - there’s your daily fun fact :). You can use a tumble dryer but go easy on the old girl – set it to low, which will avoid the package shrinking ;) – which is every man’s worst nightmare on a cold day. Set the iron on low folks but you probably won’t ever need to.
Store them away from direct sunlight. Think of Will Smith in the movie ‘I am Legend’ and do the opposite.
Have a rotation of 2-3 sets of TLC sheet sets. One on the bed and two in the chamber – we don’t want you making a bed like a peasant EVER again with ANY other sheets. Sheets are also scientifically proven to be dank after 12-18 months, so replace them after that :).
Follow this piece of piss list of instructions and your sheet will be TOGETHER!!!
Ed & Billy
The Lad Collective